bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
