hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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