We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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