Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
