Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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