dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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