i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
