remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
