How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
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I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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