Say something about gay babies.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
