i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
