But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
