I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
