She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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