Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
