You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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