I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
