I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
