if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
