take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize