Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize