just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
