I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
