Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
