omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
