Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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