I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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