all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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