College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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