Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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