OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize