Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
