i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
