There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
