so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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