My liver just broke up with me...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
