i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
