sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
