and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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