he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
