Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
