I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
