So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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