i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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