i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
