i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
