the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize