It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
