Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
