Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
