Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
