How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
