dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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