I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
