Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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