It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
