My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
