My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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