i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
