The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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